Monday, December 17, 2007

foggy is GOD!

If you ever wonder why anything happened in any comic book universe, look no further than Foggy Nelson. He is the all seeing all powerful God of everything. Fat Lawyer from Hell's kitchen? NO! He is the uber being. All praise the foggy!

Here are a list of his great accomplishments:
1. Foggy craps Cosmic Cubes after his morning coffee.

2. Foggy can shatter adamantium.

3. Superman is weak to Foggy Nelson.

4. Foggy killed Thomas and Martha Wayne. And Captain America. And Sue Dibny. And Oliver Queen. And Uncle Ben. In short, he is responsible for every death ever written.

5. Every time a bell rings, an Angel gets banged by Foggy.

6. Foggy is responsible for the multiverse.

7. Foggy was John Holmes' penis double.

8. If Captain Marvel's magic word was "FOGGY!", everyone in a ten mile radius would instantly develop God-like powers.

9. Foggy created the Anti-Life Equation.

10. Foggy created the Infinity Gauntlet.

11. before apocalypse goes to bed at night, he checks underneath for foggy nelson. (Courtesy of PJ1336)

12. Foggy Nelson has beaten Thor numerous times in a hand to hand combat. Once even in the Ultimate Fighting Ring the Octagon. (courtesy of middlenameboom)

13. Daredevil's powers were not caused by chemicals but when Foggy Nelson accidently sprayed Matt Murdock with his urine. (courtesy of warpspeedchewy)

14. After the most recent Secret War, every hero thinks that Nick Fury went into hiding. This is untrue. Unless you mean he went into hiding in Foggy Nelson's digestive system. In that case, he definitely went into hiding. (Courtesy of Fluke182)

15. In the early 1990's, Marvel began making trading cards with power levels on the back of them. The highest rated characters were the Celestials, rating off the charts on every category. Marvel almost included Foggy Nelson, but decided that the power level of "Makes Celestials look like little girls" was too insulting to Foggy, and fearing his wrath did not include him. (Courtesy of Fluke182)

16. In the Marvel Zombies universe, there is no Zombie Foggy Nelson. Why? Foggy Nelson does not get eaten, he eats you.

17. Captain America looks up to Foggy Nelson as a father figure. (Courtesy of warpspeedchewy)

18. Foggy Nelson is actually the Third Kryptonian. (Courtesy of PJ1336)

19. Scientists secretly tried to clone Foggy Nelson years ago. It was only a partial success, as it was an imperfect, flawed, and weak, clone. But it still killed Superman.

20. Foggy canceled Arrested Development.

Praise FOGGY!

1 comment:

Gloria said...

As a dedicated Nelsonian for many years, I humbly confess I wasn't aware of these tremendous feats of Foggy -outside the court, that is-.

Still, you should add another one: he brought a tabloid, yes, a frigging' tabloid (The Daily Globe) to its knees (Matt is co-credited for that, but hell, we all now he was just jumping around in costume and too busy to bother with appeals and objections: Foggy did it on his own).

In any case, I'm not sure if he's a god, but he's certainly divine: Franklin is such a sweetheart, and such a cutie.

Praise the Fogster! Amen!